This is a blog. 31 May 2008

16 weeks, 4 days pregnant–my sister, not me. I’m 17.

So, I woke up this morning after sleeping for only about six and a half hours, but I still got up so I could go to the library. After dressing, I went downstairs, ate, and put a set of dishes in the dishwasher. I still was not feeling well, particularly because I can’t stop thinking about Thursday, which was the worst day of my life. Seriously, like twenty really bad things happened to me in one day. I spent more than half of that day crying, including time I was at school. I’m just so tired of being a freak. I want to be more like other people, without having to abandon me. I’m totally and completely socially retarded. No doubt about it.

It never really bothered me until a few weeks ago, when I started to drive one of the people I love the most crazy. I had friends (sort of) all throughout elementary and middle school whom I never made crazy. But then this year, I met someone who changed my whole way of thinking. Merissa was (well, is) easy to talk to and minimally judgmental. She asked the right questions and ignored all the stupid things I did. But eventually, as I do with most people, I wore down her tolerance for me. And she bit back. Hard. Her actions were the first domino in a series of unfortunate events that came to pass on Dark Thursday. For a long time, she was my secret-keeper. I don’t know what to do and I am so scared for the future.

I made it to the library around 11:30 this morning. Nobody was at the desk, because Ian was running the Chess Club meeting and Kristi was downstairs. So I sat behind the desk and I actually got to help a few people with basic things. Video games were moved to AMM recently, so I had to point a few game-seekers to them. Later, I got to go down to the basement with Kristi to find a book. I just kind of played around on the computer for a while, mostly on facebook and blogthings. I also had both Kristi and Ian take the idiot test: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/games/play/432934 and each of them passed eventually. I found out that, based on my lifestyle, I’m going to die at 64 and Kristi is going to outlive me.

I’m blogging online because my paper journal ran out of space yesterday and they are expensive. Blogging’s cheap.

I’m sort of excited for Monday for two reasons:

a) It’s my last day of 11th grade, even though I don’t have anything left to do or turn in.

b) After school, I get to come to the library to start my first day of work.

I’m a little bit nervous about the extra responsibility of working here. (I have been a volunteer since 2005.) Mari’s a good boss, but I’m so nervous that I’ll mess something up. I can’t think about that anymore, so I’ll switch to music.

I like Simple Plan. They are really good. They are one of a select few band whose music I can listen to and not skip any tracks. I discovered them through the music video for their song “Untitled” and I have liked them ever since. A lot of their lyrics directly apply to my life and my current situation.

The library’s about to close, so I’m going to sign off with this.

Quote of the day: “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” -William Blake

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~ by Alida on 31 May 2008.

One Response to “This is a blog. 31 May 2008”

  1. uhm… interesting life youve got =]
    id like to read about your dark thursday
    be positive, once youve reached the bottom the only thing left is going up =]
    peace

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