Spinning out of Control

There’s this boy. And everything about him makes me feel all giddy inside. And every time I talk to him, I feel special. And everything about him is just so wonderful and perfect.

And like everything else in my life, I managed to screw it up. I’m continuously surprised that he even speaks to me anymore. But I guess that just shows how special he really is. I had him. I had him and I threw it away because, for some reason, I feel that I can’t be happy. But by having him feel about me how he does, and to know the things about me that he does, about what I’ve done, I’m miserable. I really like him. Even more than I did before.

I used to chat with him every single day. And usually, I initiated these chats. And my roommate suggested that I stop initiating chats with him, and let him come to me. And so I’ve tried this. Sometimes, if I have a question or a real reason, I’ll start the chat, but he mostly does that recently. It makes me really happy when he does. Before, sometimes it felt like he was just chatting back because he’s too polite not to talk to me. Now, since he starts the chats, I know that he wanted to talk to me.

Every time he says my name, it feels so exhilarating.

What’s a girl to do?

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~ by Alida on 5 March 2010.

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